He was honest with Her

He had chosen the right spot to sit. He had made sure of that. She sat on the stool, fidgeting, looking down at her coke.
He sat back with one foot on the table, his cigarettes in front of him, swilling his pint, as he always did. Over her shoulder the TV was showing ESPN. Not that he cared about the game, it was Chelsea against Arsenal. A lesser of two evils game, in which he would narrowly side with Arsenal, but the real point was to have an excuse to look away if he felt uncomfortable, to pretend to be so mesmerized by the game he had lost track of the conversation.

He was out of his depth and he knew it. He had told her, told her how he felt and he wasn't sure who was most uneasy. Her, at the moment, he figured. But nothing had changed and that was the most important part, that everything still seemed hunky dory, that she was carrying on as if he hadn't said those three words.

And right now 'OK' was good enough for him, neither a rejection nor a requital. Just a guarantee that nothing was ruined.

He'd had a few already which was why he was able to talk in this vein. Sweet talking was for customers. You just don't say these things when you actually mean them. Too dangerous. You let these cats out of the bag and they might drag you to Hell.

He took a swig of his beer and decided to broach the topic again.

HIM: To be honest, it's probably better this way. It took many months and much alcohol to get me to say what I did, I think if you'd had anything more to say than you did, it would have been way too much for me to deal with. I suspect I'd have freaked out totally.

HER: I know.

HIM: As it stands, things are pretty much ideal, it's not like it actually affects the here and now. We could carry on, conceivably for ever like this, I don't see why not. In many ways, I quite like it like this. I'm never going to lose you from my life and I guess that's what really matters. At this stage, I'm not sure I could deal with more than that. At one level I want it, but I'm not sure I've quite got my head round the implications of what it is I want.

HER: Well, it may fade by then.

He smiled a sad smile and drained his glass. He shook his head and mouthed 'no' before heading to the bar. He flirted shamelessly with the barmaid, for no particular reason except he didn't know how not to.

HIM: You needn't worry. I'm certainly not going to try influence you. This actually isn't something I want to sell. I spend too much time selling stuff and when it comes to women, I usually end up wishing they hadn't bought the patter. If for whatever reason, you do one day decide you feel the same way, I want you to actually feel it, not just think it was a good idea to try, or feel some kind of obligation that I was trying so hard you should at least give it a go. Giving it a go is always smite. Never works. Done it, been through it, giving it a go. It's actually ten times worse to be loved by someone you just can't love than it is to love and not be loved back.

HER: I wouldn't know.

HIM: Well, I just feel that in this case, if this really IS my ideal of perfection, then it really shouldn't be forced. Besides, as things stand, I'm not sure if I could deal with you reciprocating my sentiments. I'd probably need a month or two to get my head round it.
My guess is IF you ever decide you reciprocate my sentiments it would be far enough in the future for me to be comfortable with that.

HER: So right now, its just me being uncomfortable.

HIM: Yes, but you certainly have the chance to return the favour. I guess if it ever happened, you'd be comfortable by then- and you'd get to make me uncomfortable.

HER: It would also be a completely hopeless situation.

HIM: I had thought of that, don't worry. I mean, I suppose the point is, that we'd cross that bridge when and if we came to it. Even if we ever got to that bridge it would be stupid to start making unrealistic plans. You have your career, I have mine. You would never leave your home town, I would never leave mine. I want children one day (I think), you don't. These things aren't strictly speaking reconcilable. But I don't see any point worrying about any of that at this point, and in fact, I would say that if we reached the bridge just mentioned, then there would STILL be no point worrying about those things. That's where everyone goes wrong.

HER: So what WOULD you suggest in such a situation?

HIM: Nothing. Nothing at all. Go with the flow. I mean, whatever happened we'd have to spend weekdays working- in totally different geographical locations, and that would never change. But we could spend weekends together. I guess I might even feel OK giving you a key to the flat.

HER: That's what you envisage, is it?

HIM: Yes, pretty much. It would be the best way forward until one of two things happened.

HER: Being?

HIM: You got bored, or one or other of us found it unsatisfactory and wanted more. And if that happened, we'd deal with that then. But that is so hypothetical I don't see any point worrying about it. After all, even allowing for things getting to that level, even if everything followed the course I've just described, we are talking years away now, I guess.

(Pause)

Are you Ok with everything I've just said? As I say, I don't think we need worry about any of it now. All of it is up to you, really. I'm easy with whatever you're easy with. Whatever happens, let it just evolve naturally. Sod rules. To me, this is too important for me to give a damn about someone else's rules. One step at a time, eh? With you in the driving seat. It's up to you what you want to take up, or if you want to take up anything at all. And don't forget, all this stuff scares the shit out of me too. You Ok with that? With everything I've just said?

HER: Ok.

HIM: And do you know whatever happens, whatever life choices you make, I want us to always be friends?

HER: Yes.

He smiled.

What more could he ask for?
What would be, would be. And whatever it was, would be for the best.

Step in his/her shoe and tell me what you think.