Cornered

I read The Time Traveler's Wife for the second time.

It is this very book, that I'm able to drown in each and every words of it. Sadly, I loathe the feeling of whenever I closed the book and came back to reality. I don't know why. Maybe something as pure as such doesn't exist in our world but in the story itself. When you ask this to any other person, chances are the topic will crack into jokes and laughter, into something that you hate to agree on : I'm getting older.

Clearly more time is needed to adapt myself back to solo (single). I would constantly keep myself busy just so I wouldn't think of all the nonsense that will, in anyways, make me fell into the emotional turmoil. No they are not nonsense, I'm calling it nonsense because it's the naked-truth that I'm avoiding right now, subconsciously. But nonetheless, this isn't the worst.

The mirror in my room can always tell whether I'm lying or not. If I'm happy, the smile on my face would shines out naturally, and I'll be happy with it because its real; but if it's the other way round, the feeling of betrayal would be really overwhelming, and I'd walk away with no facial expression. Betrayal, because you looked right into the smile in that mirror, and you can tell that the person is faking it. The razor of honesty reflects from the mirror and killed me in an instance. This is what's happens when you sold yourself out. At least not all the time. But heck, that doesn't feel good.

The heart itself stopped at a lot of places that it thought it'd be it's last stop.

It's home. Where it belongs.

Overtime, I'm tired.

I was surprised at times, when people told me about their past relationships, they even categorized on the relationships where they 'devoted the most and the least devoted'. Maybe one doesn't wanna fly so high, just in case if he/she falls it wouldn't hurt as much.

Devotion, I don't know.

I'm still going to be as devoted as I always has been.

Let's hope that I'm not wrong.

It's still a long way to go until I'm up and flying again...

p/s : I'm still holding on though, you-know-who.