As far as I can see there is no land

Did I just lost myself a good friend? Or did I just started a new friendship?
I don't know.

Your judgement/analysis :
We are not as compatible as we think we are. True.
Our main emphasize of the friendship was based on our interest. True.

And now I'm wondering, were you being sincere all the while, or you were just entertaining me like you entertain any other normal friends, not a close buddy? Since you mentioned our friendship's main emphasize was based on our interests, I did notice that all the while but I denied it, so now it's true, that I am just a friend, that happens to have common interest that overlaps with yours.

Because you can't explain and give me the clarifications on the all the whys, you 'simplify' the whole thing to a big misunderstanding, and you will be the villain of the story, and you apologize, and that's it, the end. Problem-solving? Way to go. If its something that's meant to be kept deep inside your heart, do tell me, so that I won't wonder and wonder and wonder and HOPING there might be something to turn things over.

Kick-start everything is not easy, and sometimes impossible, brother. The way I see it, is like trying to piece and complete a shattered puzzle all over again, with a few missing pieces.

And I will never, ever, be able to understand why the phrase 'Saving special love for someone special' is being used. What point will it make in between us? Or are you claiming that I shouldn't love everyone, I shouldn't love my friend, and that I should love my better-half only?

Love all, love her the most. That's how it should be said.

And the answer for you if you thought that I'm making a big fuss outta it, because knowing you (not totally), I think you will bear this thought :

Because I care, and I thought you were the closest buddy that I could go to any other time. The one that I can always rely one when everyone else is not.



... it was a bad dream, it was like fighting for a system planned to fail.

Thanks for all you've done.

This is what I'm writing today...

LEARNED :

- The best way to put down one's ego is not to have it in the first place, avoid getting touchy about petty things and have a large heart of taking things lying down at times.

- Laughing at chinese-ed people is laughing at ourselves being egoistic idiots. People are brought up with different mindsets implemented to them, for it's normal if we find it unacceptable or different because people might just react the same to you. I should take a look at myself : I'm a chinese, and I can't speak proper mandarin with correct pronunciation, there are a lot of characters that I thought I knew but I actually don't. It's definitely not something to be proud of. I'm sorry for all the teasing and joke-abouts. Speaking of being open minded, we are just as closed minded in a way. Because an open-minded individual doesn't laugh over people's way of thinking. If you're it, then you are sort of open-minded, and totally unwise. If you are reading this and say the word 'WHAT?!' in a rather skeptical tone, then I'd say to you, 'EXACTLY.'

LEARNING :

- I should put the word NO / 不要 / 不能 / 不可以 to good use.

- Speak less, do more.

- Love all, serve all.

Perhaps

Perhaps, we thought we knew each other for so long, yet we are still in the phase of knowing instead of knew.

Perhaps you were biased, but your advise does make sense at some point.

Perhaps, its kinda hurts when the kind of words you write kind of turn themselves into knives.

Perhaps, you should just open up yourself without leaving me so many question marks which I shouldn't get any as a best buddy.

Perhaps, I just got to know something that I should have known years ago.

Perhaps, our words and advises can get people through their day, but not ourselves'.

I'll talk to you, not so soon, I don't know when, but not now. Perhaps you wouldn't even bother.

Be well, old friend.

What hurts the most...

... is to have at least scratches or wounds in every thing or person that I love.

A result of imperfection? Bound to be with the incomplete in order to be complete?

I'm sorry.

I can't be perfect.

Happy Morning.

HELP

I'm back there, again.

Help.

Day-13, 2010

It's the 3rd week of the new semester...

So much had happened, nothing unfortunate until yesterday: James accidentally scratched the car, but he is okay, not hurt. Not so long after I was informed what happened to James's car, Jill was hit by a super-bike while driving across the lights. She suffers slight concussion, was worried sick! Sent her for MRI scan earlier today, turns out to be okay, but doc ask her to go back again 2 weeks later. I'm still worried, but now that she's smiling and is able to accuse me of finishing all her cashew nuts, I won't worry that much. Baby you are and you will be fine, because I said so.

So far there are already 3 people that I know met with car accidents recently. Firstly it was my regular performing vocalist partner, Pinkie. She parked her car, and somebody banged the back of the car and ran off. The whole bumper fell off, the trunk's lock seems to be broken as well. A hit-n-run. While James and Jill, as mentioned above.

But now that everybody's okay, make it stay that way!

Apart from the series of unfortunate events, this is what I do:

Reports, tutorials, assignments, it's calculator and Google again, people.

And the as-usual laboratory sessions...
Claire was kind enough to pose for the shot and here it is...
and it's cheerful. Very.

Ambassador of Environmental Technology, Claire Su.
Oh bright smile, Claire.
I mean it!

Alright, I'm gonna go off. Gonna perform at Station1 later.
Good evening to whoever that reads this, and myself.

The weather is:
It's not cool to be hot.

BLOG :: AGAIN, period.

... and again, the gap of timeline between each post is getting wider and wider.

Nothing much happened since the last post.

New year, same air, same place, same people, perhaps the most visible changes is the calendar that hangs at our house, the numerical changes on our watch, and... what? Do you feel 2010? Exactly.

Climate changes and global warming is still going on like clockwork.

Little did we realize that, chaotic is something that makes the world go round. Of course, I'm talking about chaotic in an orderly manner.

Chaos is everyone's friend. No I'm not nuts. Face it or leave this planet. Or look around you.

Recently I read a friend's blog post that's called The Human Prodigy. I related the whole thing to one of Russell Peters's : "If you were not raised in that part of the world, you will find things unacceptable." I was born and raised in Malaysia... and yet, I found so many things that are unacceptable in my own terms. I found that as if I'm longed to some place else, just not here. Hey the country is cool, but the disgusting part is the people's mindset. It's like they were born with a filter in their brains that blocked their mentality from heading the RIGHT way.

Racially everyone can get along... It's not the skin tone that differs us, it's the mindset.
So if there's any (well, there ARE) of you that thinks that the concept of 1Malaysia is going to work really well in ehm 'UNITING' our country, then I feel sorry for you.

I can take the blame for not participating myself in such 'ambitious' and 'patriotic' concept, but hey, I'm just being realistic instead of dreamy, and, ahead of THEM. Say what? EXACTLY.

Anyways... the topic strayed sideways, can't help it, it happens then it happens.

Still? Life is wonderful. Why I said so? Because I feel so every time when I look at my wonderful family, my wonderful wifey, my wonderful friends who defines the meaning of friend. I won't ask for more.

Cheerio.

p/s : this post does not require your nonconstructive comprehension and comments.