It's been a long while since I last blogged.
How is everybody doing? Well I can feel it, this blog is getting 'dustier' than ever. Haha, its ok, I've cleaned the dust. But I don't think anyone is reading it anyway, since it hasn't been updated for so long. Readers come and go.
Actually, I'd never think of... blogging again, after what happened recently. There was a big change in my life, and I'm not sure if I accepted it in a very honest manner just yet.
I'm not going to say when, straight to the point. My beloved soul mate, wifey, lover, girlfriend, best friend, friend, listener, adviser, part-of-me, best-of-me and my everything, Cheryl, just passed away.
It happened on the night when I couldn't fetch her home from work because I was at some place else with my family. It was on that particular night, things went wrong. All the wrong things happened at the wrong time. A failed carjacking attempt, with 4 stabs at her abdomen, she was taken away within minutes. A very tension call from her brother, and what was said on the phone blanked my mind. Say no more, the next thing I did was to be there, the hospital, but from the phone call her brother made, somehow a voice in my head is telling me a word: hopeless.
I reached there, and the whole scene ripped my heart apart, it was dramatically tragic, terrible, horrible and God-knows-what-else. On the gurney, was your girlfriend, lying there breathless. No nurses nor docs around her to take care or do something to save her, of course, they did it already, sad to say they tried their best. I knew she was already gone, but I just can't take it, I can't. I kept telling myself she was just unconscious, and that she will open her eyes in moments. I wasn't crying, but the tears overflown. Her parents were there, they cried so hard, they just lost their baby girl.
"Baby you'll wake up real soon, we still have a fondue to fill our stomachs with at Haagen's tomorrow so you better wake up fast." I refused to accept the fact that she is gone. I can't take it any longer, and I walked to her brother and said to him:" let me know when she's awake." I left her brother speechless, because I was completely out of my mind by saying all that to him. I went into the washroom, I stared at the mirror for so long. I couldn't breath. No, nothing was choking me, but it was suffocating. It was like there wasn't any air. I washed my face, and even came up with a thought that everything is just a bad dream and I'd wake up once I walked outta the wash room. No, nothings changed after I walked outta the wash room.
My legs got numb and soften... I couldn't walk. It was then I started crying so hard. She is gone, really, gone. Autopsy reports the cause of death as: 4 stabbed wounds on the abdomen, excessive bleeding and pain weakens the victim, and believed to have died on the spot before concerning personnels approached the spot.
...
I haven't, and wasn't ready to finish our chapter. In a very cruel manner, she was taken away, just like that. Our past exists there, our chapters are endless, our stories are never-ending, but you are not here, not anymore.
For always, I wish I could save you.
You know I do, God knows I do.
If people would say something like... "He lost his God damned mind because his gf passed away."
Figure of speech, but I did lost my mind. True about people saying they lost their mind when terrible things happened. Because of what? Because when it happens, it doesn't come knocking on your door, instead, it stabs on your conscious, your mind is now blank, you are concealed inside your circle of question marks, because you don't know what to believe, not even if the truth is just in front of your eyes.
Come to think about it, what is the big deal with a couple breaking up? It's nothing, absolutely nothing at all. Breaking up is just a process where 2 lovers take a step back, from lover to best friends, or friends. Nothing is missing. A friend will still take care of you like he or she always does. Just minus the sweet talks and sweet names.
Sorry for being philosophical, and I understand I've talk too much.
...
I just... wish I could save you, Cheryl.
God knows you want me to be happy, and I know it.
I hope that the world turns, and that things get better.
I hope that the unfortunate incident that occured on you won't occur on anyone else, and I know you'd think that way if you were to be me.
It seems strange, that life ended in such a terrible manner. One life is taken, but it killed two of us. Time will not heal this, in fact, time will not heal anything at all. I need to move on.
For you, I'm moving on.
With all my heart, and I always do, I love you.
Soul mate, wifey, lover, girlfriend, best friend, friend, listener, adviser, part-of-me, best-of-me and my everything, Cheryl.
Rest in peace.
...
How is everybody doing? Well I can feel it, this blog is getting 'dustier' than ever. Haha, its ok, I've cleaned the dust. But I don't think anyone is reading it anyway, since it hasn't been updated for so long. Readers come and go.
Actually, I'd never think of... blogging again, after what happened recently. There was a big change in my life, and I'm not sure if I accepted it in a very honest manner just yet.
I'm not going to say when, straight to the point. My beloved soul mate, wifey, lover, girlfriend, best friend, friend, listener, adviser, part-of-me, best-of-me and my everything, Cheryl, just passed away.
It happened on the night when I couldn't fetch her home from work because I was at some place else with my family. It was on that particular night, things went wrong. All the wrong things happened at the wrong time. A failed carjacking attempt, with 4 stabs at her abdomen, she was taken away within minutes. A very tension call from her brother, and what was said on the phone blanked my mind. Say no more, the next thing I did was to be there, the hospital, but from the phone call her brother made, somehow a voice in my head is telling me a word: hopeless.
I reached there, and the whole scene ripped my heart apart, it was dramatically tragic, terrible, horrible and God-knows-what-else. On the gurney, was your girlfriend, lying there breathless. No nurses nor docs around her to take care or do something to save her, of course, they did it already, sad to say they tried their best. I knew she was already gone, but I just can't take it, I can't. I kept telling myself she was just unconscious, and that she will open her eyes in moments. I wasn't crying, but the tears overflown. Her parents were there, they cried so hard, they just lost their baby girl.
"Baby you'll wake up real soon, we still have a fondue to fill our stomachs with at Haagen's tomorrow so you better wake up fast." I refused to accept the fact that she is gone. I can't take it any longer, and I walked to her brother and said to him:" let me know when she's awake." I left her brother speechless, because I was completely out of my mind by saying all that to him. I went into the washroom, I stared at the mirror for so long. I couldn't breath. No, nothing was choking me, but it was suffocating. It was like there wasn't any air. I washed my face, and even came up with a thought that everything is just a bad dream and I'd wake up once I walked outta the wash room. No, nothings changed after I walked outta the wash room.
My legs got numb and soften... I couldn't walk. It was then I started crying so hard. She is gone, really, gone. Autopsy reports the cause of death as: 4 stabbed wounds on the abdomen, excessive bleeding and pain weakens the victim, and believed to have died on the spot before concerning personnels approached the spot.
...
I haven't, and wasn't ready to finish our chapter. In a very cruel manner, she was taken away, just like that. Our past exists there, our chapters are endless, our stories are never-ending, but you are not here, not anymore.
For always, I wish I could save you.
You know I do, God knows I do.
If people would say something like... "He lost his God damned mind because his gf passed away."
Figure of speech, but I did lost my mind. True about people saying they lost their mind when terrible things happened. Because of what? Because when it happens, it doesn't come knocking on your door, instead, it stabs on your conscious, your mind is now blank, you are concealed inside your circle of question marks, because you don't know what to believe, not even if the truth is just in front of your eyes.
Come to think about it, what is the big deal with a couple breaking up? It's nothing, absolutely nothing at all. Breaking up is just a process where 2 lovers take a step back, from lover to best friends, or friends. Nothing is missing. A friend will still take care of you like he or she always does. Just minus the sweet talks and sweet names.
Sorry for being philosophical, and I understand I've talk too much.
...
I just... wish I could save you, Cheryl.
God knows you want me to be happy, and I know it.
I hope that the world turns, and that things get better.
I hope that the unfortunate incident that occured on you won't occur on anyone else, and I know you'd think that way if you were to be me.
It seems strange, that life ended in such a terrible manner. One life is taken, but it killed two of us. Time will not heal this, in fact, time will not heal anything at all. I need to move on.
For you, I'm moving on.
With all my heart, and I always do, I love you.
Soul mate, wifey, lover, girlfriend, best friend, friend, listener, adviser, part-of-me, best-of-me and my everything, Cheryl.
Rest in peace.
...
